Always Outnumbered, often outdone

"Never work with children or animals." So said that most misanthropic and quoteworthy of comics, W.C. Fields, shortly before upping sticks to join Valerie Singleton, John Noakes and Shep clearing excrement off Blue Peter's studio floor. We joke, we kid, of course. Whether working with children is silly billy or not hasn't stopped the Beeb from giving us a televisual family feast of dysfunctional parenting in suburbia over the last 25 years. If the nineties belonged to 2point4 Children, and the noughties My Family, then the now-ties (bear with us) belong very much to Outnumbered.

Having dropped the dead donkey, creators Andy Hamilton and Guy Jenkin have swapped sniping at Globelink for squabbling at home with the Brockmans. But what do we actually know about these strained relations other than that the patriarch is exactly 50 per cent of Punt and Dennis and even less of The Mary Whitehouse Experience?

Playing the numbers game

O formal scripts for the kids
We're all used to hearing about the improvisational skills of 'schmohawk' Larry David and friends in HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm, but the Brockman kids - Jake, Ben and Karen - are not saddled with too much in the way of lines either. Armed with only the basic outline of scenes, the kids are encouraged to do what they do best. Yep, 'act' like kids. Simples.

1 house
And a very nice one too. Seemingly in an unnamed leafy suburb of Londonshire. But don't let the tidy Victorian facade fool you. Within the confines of those four walls can be found a kind of mayhem that kinsfolk across the country can empathise with. Don't fret - you're not alone in not being able to find the phone when it ring-a-dings. It's under the ironing, cloth ears.

2 parents
Sue and Pete are the agonising 'Mum' and 'Dad'. Pete is an inner city history teacher, forlornly wrestling with political correctness gone mad and an image-obsessed headmaster, while Sue makes a full-time job of being a part-time PA. Together they are driven to distraction by an offspring overload. Sometimes Google really doesn't have the answer.

3 children
A finer triumvirate of adult-baiters you're never likely to see. There's the sulky adolescent eldest, the mad little middle man with a bewildering thirst for lying, and the doe-eyed poppet, brimful of barrister-like inquiry. All resplendently showcasing that unerring childish ability to say exactly what they think. At exactly the wrong time.

4 million viewers...
for the first ever episode aired in 2008. A solid start. A foundation on which a very successful house was built. As well as being critically lauded, the show's stars have had to get used to picking up it's fair share of gongs too. Oh gosh. If it's not careful it's going to get it's very own American remake. Oh golly gosh.

5 pounds...
was the price Dad had to pay for the privilege of wresting his power drill back from Ben. Really, Dad ought to man-up a tad where Ben is concerned. Especially when Dad is trying to reason with him in public and Ben screams to anyone that will listen that Dad isn't his dad. Come on Dad, show him who's the daddy.

6 episodes...
in the first series. The magic number according to to 'The Book of British Comedy Gold'. If you don't believe us read the chapters on Fawlty Towers, The Office, and, erm, The Inbetweeners. We won't mention that series two slips in an episode too many and move swiftly on to the fact that series three returns to the joy of six.

7 is bath and bedtime
'Operation Early Night' never really works out for Sue and Pete, much to Pete's chagrin. Domestic evening bliss, where the kids are sound asleep and glasses of fine red wine flow are some kind of untouchable utopia for Mr and Mrs Brockham. Better then to resign themselves to dealing with blocked waste disposal units, cold-callers and unwanted guests.

8 times...
a day that Ben the brat demands to watch Little Britain. Dad certainly doesn't share his son's appreciation of messrs. Lucas and Walliams - but we certainly shall not frown upon tube obsessions of the chortling kind, unhealthy or otherwise. Yeah, I know.

9 is how old Karen will be next birthday
The show's undoubted jewel in the crown is growing up on screen - but she's still a little angel, in the style of Drew Barrymore circa E.T. With devilish questions any mastermind would have difficulty answering: "What's a hypocrite?"; "Do you believe in God?"; "Can I keep a nit for a pet?"; What's a Nazi?". At least she is putting off running away from home "'til morning."

10 feet...
and five heads; 564 fibs; a dozen disciplinary hearings; 345 unread work emails; one first day at secondary school; two types of Indian; 58 missed phone calls from granddad; 26 odd socks; 18 uneaten peas on a plate; no 40 winks; countless arguments and a ton of tears. Welcome to parenthood.

We at Seesaw Towers can't be held responsible for the validity of the figures published above. But no children were harmed in the making of this blog. Sorry W.C.

Five reasons why Channel 4 comedy fans should love Whites

Anyway you look at it, in Blighty the comedy world divides into two kingdoms - the BBC's 'safe' sitcoms and Channel 4's 'street' sketch shows. You either love The Inbetweeners and PhoneShop OR you're a massive fan of Miranda and The Armstrong & Miller Show, and never the twain shall meet. Unless the sight of Windsor Davies and Donald Sinden running competing antique shops pushes your laughter buttons of course.

However this split isn't as cut and dried as it might seem. After all Armstrong & Miller, Mitchell & Webb, Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse all started out on C4 before making the great leap to Auntie Beeb. Hidden away in the schedules over the last six weeks, ignored in the great Inbetweeners/PhoneShop love-in, was another group of C4 rebels with a brand new, criminally ignored comedy that really should've been embraced by more people, particularly by fans of Peep Show.

The first series of Whites finished last night with an Eighties-themed staff party, a broken engagement, a broadcast conversation about low sperm motility and a enough loose ends to demand a second series. And when it does arrive here are five reasons why you hardcore C4 comedy heads should tune in:

1. It's written by Matt King. Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? King is Channel 4 through and through, with appearances in Dogface, Star Stories, City of Vice (really!) and Skins, but he's best known as Peep Show's resident drug baron and one half of Curse These Metal Hands, Super Hans. Not only did he write it but King also plays suitably shady meat supplier Melvin, who seems to have run down most of his products in his van.

2. It's almost entirely staffed by C4 comedy stalwarts: Kevin Bishop makes a guest appearance, The IT Crowd's Katherine Parkinson plays put-upon maitre d' Caroline, Green Wing and Smack the Pony's Darren Boyd is a sous chef with a low sperm count, Isy Suttie aka Peep Show's Dobby is a waitress with a very weak grip on reality and, of course, Alan Davies is head chef Roland White. Didn't you know Alan's first TV show was Channel 4's One for the Road? Check out that inappropriate picture!

3. The hotel kitchen is every bit as horrific as Green Wing's East Hampton Hospital Trust, the Sutton High Street Branch of PhoneShop and the former business behemoth that was JLB Credit, and staffed by equally grotesque characters.

4. The fact it was broadcast at nine on a Tuesday would suggest the BBC weren't sure what they had on their hands. Was it a drama with some comic elements, or a comedy with a dramatic arc tying the episodes together? It's certainly less slapstick and accessible than their usual early evening output and closer to the more recent strand of darker, bleaker shows like Him and Her and Getting On.

5. Surely given the fact nearly all of Channel 4's output is cookery shows these days, a comedy taking the piss, written by a Channel 4 star and populated by great comedians from brilliant Channel 4 shows should be right up your street?

If you fancy catching up on a hidden gem, the whole series is still available on iPlayer. Check it out and let us know what you think...

Only Ghouls and Corpses

Hey Pumpkins!

An annual celebration that doesn't go unobserved here at SeeSaw Towers on October 31st is, yep, you guessed it, The Only Fools and Horses Convention. If you find yourself near Hooky Street (aka Bedford/Milton Keynes) on Sunday, why not (trick or) treat yourself to the creme de le menthe of times in the unsaintly company of show faves Boycie, Denzil, Mickey Pearce, Jumbo Mills and Mental Mickey. We hear that there's even a few surprises from Rock & Chips. And don't fret - there's no sign of Damien.

For those that can't make it - don't despair - there's plenty here to remind you just what made OFAH the monster sitcom it was and how frighteningly magnifique Sir David Jason still is.

Mange tout!
Jack "the Lad" O'Lantern

Job Satisfaction Guaranteed

In these days of austerity, we'd all do well to remember Oscar Wilde's assertion that "the best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." But if the prescient playwright's wise words don't kick-start an overwhelming sense of pre-festive professional gratitude, then take satisfaction in the workplaces that just wouldn't be the hilarious haunts they are without the crazies that work within them...

Fawlty Towers' hotelier, Basil Fawlty
Maniacally prowling reception and restaurant, Cleese's miserly and misanthropic head honcho makes life a living hell for guests and employees in equal measure. The verbal and physical abuse dished out to hapless waiter Manuel outdoes any of newlywed Russell Brand's scandalous prankmeistering and reminds us just how unpleasant one man could make a trip to the the 'English Riviera'.
Do: order the Waldorf salad (arf); Don't: mention the war.

JLB Credit loan manager, Mark Corrigan
Sparing the south London streets of Peep Show's miscreant musician does not atone for Mark's professional underachievements. An undoubted intellect with an encyclopaedic knowledge of ancient and military history (take note, Time Team), Mark's occupational highlights can be written on the back of Johnson's business card. Hacking into Sophie's email, pissing in the boss' drawer and hanging out with the office fascist do not an employee of the month make.
Do: iron his tie; Don't: follow him into the stationary cupboard.

Dunder Mifflin branch manager, Michael Scott
Outlasting Wernham Hogg's David Brent to the tune of a shed load of episodes hasn't helped Scranton's unenlightened despot manage The Office. A graduate of the George Constanza school of man-management, Mr Scott's unabashed attempts to entertain his staff, using his ill-advised alter egos Prison Mike, Ping et al, are straight outta Cringeville.
Do: change his ringtone; Don't: be his secret Santa.

Minister for the Dept. of Social Affairs, Hugh Abbott
Malcolm Tucker may turn The Thick of It's air a somewhat offensive shade of blue, but Hugh Abbott has the primary colour of yellow locked down. Duh, of course he's inherently out-of-touch with the electorate, but that doesn't excuse his spineless efforts to avoid being the next casualty of a cabinet reshuffle. Accidentally sending expletive-filled emails to eight-year-olds is one thing, but letting a civil servant take the hit for it in a Select Committee is a completely different kettle of HR fish.
Do: heckle him; Don't: bring up Flatgate.

PhoneShop store manager, Lance
Forget for a moment that Lance is Simon's father in The Inbetweeners. What you see is a middle-aged man who should resent his career choice. A man who shouldn't be indulging in outdated Hoxton haircuts. A man who shouldn't be airing his marital misfortune in a cellular sanctuary, smoking "ganja" or listening to reggae whilst shouting "Dub selector". What do you mean you know that man - and he's sat checking his Facebook opposite you?
Do: avoid the subject of Shelley; Don't: sign off emails to him with two kisses.

Mighty Boosh zookeepers, Vince and Howard
The main attractions at Bob Fossil's dilapidated Zoo-niverse aren't Ivan the bear, Chi Chi the panda, or the Ape of Death. Not on your nelly (the elephant). They are Howard Moon, the self-professed master of mime and scat fanatic, together with his cheeky colleague Vince Noir, he that basks in the glory of his own outfits. The pair will welcome any visitor to a journey through time and space. And they say never work with animals.
Do: the Tundra Rap; Don't: summon The Spirit of Jazz.

Summer Heights High's Head of Drama, Mr G
"You've got yourself an entertainment industry professional for the price of a teacher. So where's my pay rise?," quips Greg Gregson. It's funny - cos it's true (in his oh-so talented eyes). When Mr G isn't labelling his possessions in the staff room (damn those cleaning fairies), he's making tasteless school productions such as 'Tsunamarama', based on the events of the 2004 Asian Tsunami, set to the music of Bananarama. The only class he's interested in his double choreography.
Do: enjoy his Kermit impression; Don't: tell him to take the back seat.

Here at SeeSaw Towers we're just scratching the work surface, as it were. It's our job. It's. What. We. Do. Remember, it was Oscar Wilde who claimed "work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do..."

Think you can outdo the IT Crowd here for job jokers? Nominations to the usual address, erm, below...

All You Need To Know About Peter Serafinowicz

ITV drama Whitechapel is the unlikely and somewhat sinister current home of the criminally unappreciated talents of a certain Peter Serafinowicz. As DCI Cazenove he can be seen administering brutal beatings to his beleaguered detectives with as little respect for the code of conduct as Bad Girls' resident evil Jim Fenner. It’s a far cry from the comedic fayre we’re used to seeing the striking Serafinowicz in… and what we are maybe guilty of not seeing him in…

He had his own show didn’t he?
Correctimundo. But you’ll not be proclaimed the king of comedy for remembering The Peter Serafinowicz Show and that it starred a certain sketch-smith known to friends and fans as Peter Serafinowicz.

He’s done stuff with Scotty from Star Trek
Two out of two. Well done. Collaborations are Peter’s forte and he seems to have an unhealthy obsession with being Simon Pegg’s arch nemesis. Not only can he be seen as Duan Benzie in the magnificent pop culture fest that was Spaced, but also as Robin in the much-underrated Hippies, and as humourless flatmate Pete in rom-zom flick Shaun of the Dead.

He was never in Star Wars
Au contraire. Okay, so he wasn’t to be found poking sticks at Yawas on Tatooine in the original trilogy and he never had a Hasbro figure hand-crafted in his own image. But the coolest thing to come out of the plot-less prequels was Darth Maul, no question. And guess who provided the voice-over? No, it wasn’t the Green Cross Code man.

He was in that show with Tim from The Office
If you mean Hardware, yes. Yes he was. Written by Men Behaving Badly’s Simon Nye, Peter played Kenny in all 12 episodes of one of 2003’s ha-ha highlights for Talkback Thames, alongside Martin Freeman and good old Reg Holdsworth.

Did you just mention Talkback Thames?
Segue-tastic. Of course, Peter and co-conspirator Robert Popper created the creepily accurate mock children’s educational series Look Around You. What they can’t tell you about germs, the brain and metals just isn’t worth knowing. I mean, did you know the full name of Iron is Iron de Havilland, dumb-dumb?

Hasn’t he annoyed Alan Partridge?
Who hasn’t? But as Yank-loving Tex and mutual friend of petrol station worker Michael he manages to rile Norfolk’s notorious graveyard shift DJ into something unimaginably green-eyed.

Is he some sort of comedic chameleon?
Just a bit. Whether it be voice over-ring for South Park, Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle, The IT Crowd or putting in a cameo shift in the likes of Black Books, Little Britain and Murder Most Horrid, Serafinowicz has the physicality and voice for every occasion and any comic creation. Damn him and his unrelenting talent.

Might he get pigeon-holed?
Doubtful. As well a taking over the telebox, Serafinowicz has stuck a reverential flag in the interwebs. And it’s got his face on it. The Peter Serafinowicz Show was borne out of the success of skits he posted on YouTube – and his Twitter page has amassed almost half million followers. Twitterati take note.

He has his fingers in many a fun-filled pie, right?
True dat. His rising stock has taken him, like, totally transatlantic, man. He’s currently to be found on Fox’s Running Wilde, brought to us from the creators of acclaimed Arrested Development. Hollywood hasn’t been blind to his talent either – he starred alongside (literal) heavyweights Vinny Vaughn and John Favreau in Couples Retreat.

The poor guy must be tired
Possibly. But that’s not stopping him from putting his native Scouse tongue to good use in the forthcoming re-make of The Beatles’ Yellow Submarine and winning awards for directing Hot Chip music videos. Oh and did we tell you he’s married to Coupling and Green Wing’s Sarah Alexander? When you see him in next week’s instalment of Whitechapel, you’re just not going to see him in the same light are you?

You think there's a comedy cat more ubiquitous than prolific Pete? Someone we didn't realize we were a bigger fan of? Answers on e-postcards, kids...