In these days of austerity, we'd all do well to remember Oscar Wilde's assertion that "the best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one." But if the prescient playwright's wise words don't kick-start an overwhelming sense of pre-festive professional gratitude, then take satisfaction in the workplaces that just wouldn't be the hilarious haunts they are without the crazies that work within them...
Fawlty Towers' hotelier, Basil Fawlty
Maniacally prowling reception and restaurant, Cleese's miserly and misanthropic head honcho makes life a living hell for guests and employees in equal measure. The verbal and physical abuse dished out to hapless waiter Manuel outdoes any of newlywed Russell Brand's scandalous prankmeistering and reminds us just how unpleasant one man could make a trip to the the 'English Riviera'.
Do: order the Waldorf salad (arf); Don't: mention the war.
JLB Credit loan manager, Mark Corrigan
Sparing the south London streets of Peep Show's miscreant musician does not atone for Mark's professional underachievements. An undoubted intellect with an encyclopaedic knowledge of ancient and military history (take note, Time Team), Mark's occupational highlights can be written on the back of Johnson's business card. Hacking into Sophie's email, pissing in the boss' drawer and hanging out with the office fascist do not an employee of the month make.
Do: iron his tie; Don't: follow him into the stationary cupboard.
Dunder Mifflin branch manager, Michael Scott
Outlasting Wernham Hogg's David Brent to the tune of a shed load of episodes hasn't helped Scranton's unenlightened despot manage The Office. A graduate of the George Constanza school of man-management, Mr Scott's unabashed attempts to entertain his staff, using his ill-advised alter egos Prison Mike, Ping et al, are straight outta Cringeville.
Do: change his ringtone; Don't: be his secret Santa.
Minister for the Dept. of Social Affairs, Hugh Abbott
Malcolm Tucker may turn The Thick of It's air a somewhat offensive shade of blue, but Hugh Abbott has the primary colour of yellow locked down. Duh, of course he's inherently out-of-touch with the electorate, but that doesn't excuse his spineless efforts to avoid being the next casualty of a cabinet reshuffle. Accidentally sending expletive-filled emails to eight-year-olds is one thing, but letting a civil servant take the hit for it in a Select Committee is a completely different kettle of HR fish.
Do: heckle him; Don't: bring up Flatgate.
PhoneShop store manager, Lance
Forget for a moment that Lance is Simon's father in The Inbetweeners. What you see is a middle-aged man who should resent his career choice. A man who shouldn't be indulging in outdated Hoxton haircuts. A man who shouldn't be airing his marital misfortune in a cellular sanctuary, smoking "ganja" or listening to reggae whilst shouting "Dub selector". What do you mean you know that man - and he's sat checking his Facebook opposite you?
Do: avoid the subject of Shelley; Don't: sign off emails to him with two kisses.
Mighty Boosh zookeepers, Vince and Howard
The main attractions at Bob Fossil's dilapidated Zoo-niverse aren't Ivan the bear, Chi Chi the panda, or the Ape of Death. Not on your nelly (the elephant). They are Howard Moon, the self-professed master of mime and scat fanatic, together with his cheeky colleague Vince Noir, he that basks in the glory of his own outfits. The pair will welcome any visitor to a journey through time and space. And they say never work with animals.
Do: the Tundra Rap; Don't: summon The Spirit of Jazz.
Summer Heights High's Head of Drama, Mr G
"You've got yourself an entertainment industry professional for the price of a teacher. So where's my pay rise?," quips Greg Gregson. It's funny - cos it's true (in his oh-so talented eyes). When Mr G isn't labelling his possessions in the staff room (damn those cleaning fairies), he's making tasteless school productions such as 'Tsunamarama', based on the events of the 2004 Asian Tsunami, set to the music of Bananarama. The only class he's interested in his double choreography.
Do: enjoy his Kermit impression; Don't: tell him to take the back seat.
Here at SeeSaw Towers we're just scratching the work surface, as it were. It's our job. It's. What. We. Do. Remember, it was Oscar Wilde who claimed "work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do..."
Think you can outdo the IT Crowd here for job jokers? Nominations to the usual address, erm, below...