Here are the high (and low) lights of the weekend for me.
Saturday - The performances
First we had Storm - more like ‘breeze when having a picnic’; irritating but nothing to write home about. He did a version of Springsteen’s ‘Born to Run’, which was lacklustre at best. The man looked so tired, it was so uninspiring. If I was his mother I would have come down from Scotland and marched him straight to bed.
Treyc Cohen’s version of Prince’s ‘Purple Rain’ was faultless. My prediction is that she will be the longest surviving wildcard on the show. Well, that all depends on how long Wagner-fever lasts. Her success does prompt the question again whether Cheryl made a good decision with her top 3, but at least nobody is talking about Gam-who anymore.
Oh, One Direction… I hadn’t even sat down today when I was bombarded by the other womenfolk of the office about what I think about them. The answer: I don’t really think about them at all. They’re sweet but… yea. I can’t even remember what they sang, I’m sure it was… fine. And I know that they got lots of votes because they are catnip to the pubescent.
Diva Fever, are so much fun! Aren’t they? Don’t you think they’re fun? I mean only one of them can sing, but all their back-up dancers are topless! What fun.
Ok, so Aiden Grimshaw sang a song, and a couple of the notes sounded a bit strained. It was ‘Jealous Guy’ for Pete’s sake; it suits a bit of strain. If you were basing what happened by the judges’ reaction you’d think he was a middle-aged, long-haired Brazilian man running around the stage shirtless. Oh wait… no, they love that.
Wagner – see above. Oh and what you are all interested about is that Simon hinted that Wagner and Mary might be doing the bad thing on the good foot. Ooooh!
Mary Byrne – you’ll never look at a checkout lady the same way again. Also, she’s Nicky from Westlife’s aunty. Well I never.
It’s not over until the fat lady sings, they say. Oh wait one more - Matt Cardle. Without his hat. Madness.
Sunday - The Result
After two psychadelic celebrity performances from Katy Perry and X factor 2008 spawn Diana Vickers, it is time for the results - Double elimination goodness.
Dermot whittles down the fourteen contestants to three: Storm, Belle Amie and Diva Fever. We discover that Storm got the fewest votes and is sent home. You couldn’t see Louis’ whole face, but I could tell that he was quite relieved to get rid of him. Storm promised that this wasn’t the last we would see of him, we hope that’s not true.
The survival songs were suitably ironic. Diva Fever went first with ‘I Will Survive’ and surprisingly without the production they weren’t too bad. Then Belle Amie concluded with ‘Big Girls Don’t Cry’ and they all cried. They are a bit older than One Direction all in their early twenties apart from 17 year old Esther. So considering that they are young women and not young girls, something needs to be done to their styling. They need to be more Saturdays and less Sunday with your grandparents. Teenagers aspire to glamourous role models, not attainable ones. Sad fact.
Simon potentially had the difficult decision of choosing between two of his acts but he was saved by the other judges unanimously agreeing to save Belle Amie.
So that's all for this week. Who do you want to win? Personally I am rooting for Rebecca. I didn't comment on her in this post because her brilliance would have usurped my word count.
Someone who is coming on a bit strong with their support is Stephen Fry. He's gone Brazilian nut-ty.
Jokes.